Japan Trip Report Part 1-Osaka
By Paul T.
Disclaimer: This may come off as
if I'm bragging. I have some very minor wrestling involvement
(which from day-one was based on pure luck and some good people
around me), I also have my real job and language thing to my favor,
but ANYONE can go to Japan and enjoy themselves. There
are guided puroresu tours and even I thought about doing one,
but fuck paying extra for that. Plenty of info available in English
on the internet. If you're a puroresufan, get some friends together
and make the trip, because it'll be incredible and maybe some
of this info will help. This is long as fuck and more of a culture
and "cool shit I saw" report than a pure wrestling report,
lots of useless rambling but hope you enjoy it anyway.
OK before we get to the cool shit,
since I usually talk about how great Japan is, let me begin by
whining to you about some shit that can suck at times - working
for a Japanese company. They don't give a rat's ass about your
lack of sleep, your off-time schedule, or any common sense but
I knew what was coming going back to the home office because I
spent 3 months living in the factory's converted attic as a trainee
and it was a nightmare. Anyways, to make the long story short,
shit was fucked up like that movie Gung Ho. Then when I thought
it couldn't get any worse, on what I thought was my last day at
the home office, we had to go to dinner where we had to hear endlessly
from our boss how "We must work harder as a company to compete".
[Sidenote: Bitch, hook me up some hostess clubs for free and I'll
compete.] Then even though my schedule said I was finally free
after that dinner, my boss says, "Oh why don't you come in
the morning to do some more work at 7am before you leave? You
have a few hours right?" Of course, in my mind I was cutting
a New Jack promo on the guy and I could have gotten out of it,
but that shows weakness so I had no answer other than, "Yes,
sir". I guess I shouldn't complain since unlike my home office
colleagues I don't have to deal with this everyday, but because
of this, I love to visit but could never live in Japan. Even then
it's a tough call though because the rest of Japan rules so damn
much like the wrestling, food, service, women, fashion, transportation
system, and lots of cool shit to do.
Friday, February 21
10AM and finally I escape the grasp of my home office and take
the train into downtown Osaka. Call Black Tigers on his cell phone
and he answered, "Moshi Moshi?" He's obviously been
in Japan too long. There was still some time before he could meet
up, so I put my luggage in the locker at the train station and
headed for some ramen noodles. Fuck man, the food here is so good.
Then I went to the famous Mr. Donut. It's like the Winchell's
of Japan but they do not fuck around with their donuts. If any
of you go to Japan, go get a glazed donut or their new item "Pon-de-ring".
I take the subway to the meetup point which was Delfin Arena.
It's inside some amusement park and it even has a little Osaka
Pro shop next to it. Just then Black Tigers showed up so we went
in the arena where a "youngboy" (rookie/trainee) was
sweeping the already immaculate floor. No matter how involved
or not you are in the business of wrestling, it's always cool
to see shit you see on video like the Delfin Arena, so I pulled
Fanboy Move#1 and had Tigers take a pic of me at the entrance
gate. Actually, when I stop marking out for shit like that, that's
when I'm done with involvement in wrestling. It sure as hell doesn't
make me a living so I might as well enjoy it. We headed back into
town and walked around American Town which is like the Melrose
of Osaka. Lots of girls with crazy fashion sense that I dig. Then
we were tired of walking so we went to see Transporter. Hot Asian
chick in movie=good, regardless of the simple plot where the guy
basically fucks everyone up, saves the day and gets the chick,
the end. We go back to Delfin Arena to meet Ebessan, we hit the
"Spa World" which is this huge ass building with like
12 different huge Jacuzzis, saunas, and pools, and like 50 massage
tables where trained professional masseuses wait. It also has
a restaurant, hotel, and a big ass arcade that even expert Game
Otakus like Excalibur could spend hours in. Then we went to eat
okonomiyaki, which is like JPN pancake, and yakisoba fried noodles
then to Ebessan's house where we watched the EPIC video. Upon
viewing the video, Tigers said with the Southern draw, "Man,
y'all swear too damn much." Then we had Ebessan comedy hour
where he spoke Engrish. This humor alone is worth all of the shit
I dealt with at the home office. On a serious note though, it's
amazing how much English Ebessan speaks since he is completely
self-taught. How many JPN people do you know that can recite Eddie
Murphy's Delirious and Raw? Attn Socal promoters: Ebessan is generally
available Monday thru Thursday.
Saturday February 22
Wake up, I get on AOL through Ebessan's super computer and find
Excalibur and Disco. Ebessan wakes up and explains to Excalibur
that he is having stomach problems. "This is Ebessan. How
are you? My ass is flooded". Supposedly the laughter from
this almost got Excalibur fired who was online from work. Since
they have to be at the arena early, I leave to go check into my
hotel downtown, right by all the Hostess Clubs and pachinko (slots)
parlors, which sounds cool but it's an area where you don't want
to draw negative attention. Cool shit about Japan though is decent
hotels are relatively cheap and they have a lot of low rate specials
on the Internet, make sure to find sites that are in English but
based in Japan like http://www.hotwire.jp/
. Small, yet nice clean room in downtown next to a major train
station for $60. I eat some curry then hit the pachinko slots.
I put in about $25 USD and made $120, not abig win but at least
I won. I'm not much of a gambler but the machine itself is addicting.
When you hit jackpot the graphics and sounds give you an artificial
stimulus and it gets you "on high", that's how they
sucker you. I took my chips to a location outside to exchange
my chips for cash. Exchanging chips for cash is illegal, but not
really, like the cops ignore it for some "magical" reason,
lol. Anyways, after that I took the subway to the Shinsaibashi
area which is commercial center of Osaka. Crowded as hell, endless
maze of strip malls above and underground, and straight teeming
with hot girls. Cool thing about Japanese girls is their fashion.
There's all kinds from Kogal fashion, Skater/punk chick fasion,
to classy and everything in between but they all really seem to
put time and effort into it. I have to mention this one girl working
at the Starbucks in Shinsaibashi with the glasses - off the motherfucking
richter scale. I wish I had some anime tentacle sex stories about
her but I admit I don't. Anyways, after my little hentai tour,
lol, I get to Delfin Arena for the show. First match was Tsubasa
vs Tigersmask. I'm going to repeat this many times, but solid.
Osaka Pro is known more for its comedy but I now realize the reason
it works is because the wrestling itself is so good. I hate to
say it, but most US indy guys don't hold a candle to these guys
as far as in-ring. Not in the move for move sense as US indy guys
do some incredible and original moves but I'm talking match pace,
smoothness between each move, working the crowd. "Completeness"
is the word I guess. I saw few fuck ups if at all in the whole
show. Then we have Black Tigers vs Black Buffalo. Tigers is the
heel here so fans automatically boo him. The Osaka fans are the
most polite fans anywhere I think. They yell out funny shit but
without disrespecting the wrestlers timing wise. They start off
brawling outside, then mix good mat wrestling and high flying.
Memorable move was Tigers hitting this dbl underhook spinning
DDT off the corner, into dbl underhook submission (like Chono),
then he goes right into a Tiger Driver so he's dbl underhook the
whole time. It's pretty cool to see Tigers doing so well, because
he was supposed to go to Japan way back for Battlarts, chose WCW,
WCW folded. He also seemed well adjusted and had little problem
getting around town on his own. Anyways, end was Tigers hitting
many big moves, getting near falls, then being schoolboy'ed for
the pin. After that he goes apeshit and unmasks Buffalo, and Tigersmask
is ringside to make the save. Buffalo leaves, then Tigersmask
cuts a promo on Black Tigers. This won't come off funny in ENG
but the local hero Tigersmask says, "Hey, just because you're
gaijin you can't do whatever you want. This is Osaka, etc etc."
This gets a laugh and pop from the crowd. This laughter comes
from the "Ugly American" image due to some tourists
who think they own the place and have no respect for the culture.
Then Black Tigers cuts a promo in Country-fried Southern English
with a little JPN shit talking thrown in. "Bakayaro. Anytime
anyplace. I took his mask off, I'll take your mask off too because
I'm the real Tigers, etc." Coolest part was when he stopped,
the crowd didn't know exactly what he said but they gave that
"ohhhh+applause" reaction because they knew Black was
telling Tigersmask to step the fuck up and the feud was on and
that's all that mattered to the fans.
Next up was a 6 man with Super Delfin/Pero(Delfin's
pet dog)/Robo-K (formerly Kuishinbo Kamen) vs Ebessan/Miracle
Man/Yutaka Fukuda. Ebessan comes out with a Star Wars lightsabre
and does the Otani sword pose then talks about how he bought it
off Ebay. Delfin's team comes in. Now, mind you that Robo K is
Kuishinbo's robot version. The only difference I noticed is that
there are robot sounds in his music and his costume is a bit robotified.
All the spots are the same. Kuishimbo lost in a "lose the
gimmick" match so turned into Robo-K, but of course since
this is Osaka Pro, fans are happy that Robo-K is pretty much the
same as Kuishimbo. Ebessan first starts hitting everyone with
it, then tells a youngboy to come get the lightsabre, youngboy
is slow and the sabre's light starts to get weak, so Ebessan says,
"Hurry! The light is fading!!" which gets a laugh. Match
starts with the funniest spot in wrestling. The famous Ebessan/Robo
K fake lock up. For those who haven't seen, they go to lock up
but both fake, do this a couple times, perhaps dance, then they
pose together, crowd applauds, then they go to tag out and their
partners and refs get pissed at them because they haven't wrestled
yet. The ref tells them to take it seriously so, of course, they
do the same thing again and I'm just in awe that I'm seeing this
live. These fans must have seen the spot a million times and it's
still over. Then they go to a couple of straight wrestling spots
and show why their silliness is embraced by both serious and casual
fans. Funny how Ebessan is probably the fastest guy on their roster.
Speaking of fluid, Ebessan says out loud that he is having a difficult
time due to stomach problems and that his ass is flooded, to which
the ref slaps him and says, "Nobody wants to hear that."
The Osaka Pro referee, Mr. Matsui, is a key figure. In traditional
Osaka area comedy, there is "boke (silly) and tsukkomi (mad)".
So it's a guy doing stupid shit and the straight man getting mad.
They've incorporated this into wrestling by having Ebessan and
Robo be the "boke" and the ref being the "tsukkomi".
Basically, the guys that are supposed to fight each other are
teasing the ref together, and then the ref gets mad. Mr. Matsui
has impeccable timing as a tsukkomi which is so important in making
this style of comedy work. He is also a very good pro wrestling
referee for serious matches as well. He is so good at helping
to get fans into near falls. He also does most of the office work
at Osaka Pro. Only 5 matches today, the rest that included your
regular Osaka Pro stars and all were high level. People say that
Super Delfin isn't what he used to be circa early 90's but when
you see him live, you see the little things he does that put him
on a level above everybody else. Also, I have to mention the newly
appointed ace of the promotion, Takehiro Murahama. He was a champion
shoot boxer who made the transition to pro wrestling and currently
still fights (shoot) in K-1 and DEEP promotions, he also does
U-style. The thing about him is he does more shooter type moves
when pro wrestling but can also hang with lucha. I'm not too into
shoots but if this guy can shoot and pro wrestle the way he does
then he deserves mad props. One other thing I need to mention
about Osaka Pro is they don't fuck around with kayfabe and their
trainees. Whenever a trainee wants to enter the arena before or
after shows, he has to knock then yell out, "My name is Trainee
so and so, I have come to deliver so and so's gear." Then,
with permission, he may open the door. They do this at many promotions
before opening a lockerroom door, but it was noticeably strict
here and I'm pretty sure the reason for this is because the workers
are inside without their masks on. Anyways, for a so-called comedy
wrestling promotion, the trainees here seemed to be having it
tough as any Japanese promotion.
After the show, some of the staff
and workers headed to Yakiniku (JPN style Korean BBQ) and beer.
Damn, Japanese beer tastes so good with this stuff it should be
illegal. I enjoyed another session of pure gluttony Billy Budges
style. I asked Black Tigers to inform me on the gaijin bars in
Osaka. Gaijin bars are just watering holes that foreigners in
Japan tend to flock to. It tends to be a "safe bet"
spot to go even alone on a weekend. If you have time though, and
you're into it, then I suggest venturing out to the clubs catered
to locals that can be hit or miss but if you hit, it'll put any
trendy Hollywood or Vegas club to shame in every sense. Ebessan
was assed out, literally. Black Tigers contemplated whether to
go with me, or to be responsible and put his priorities on his
match tomorrow. Tigers decided to sit this one out, not a problem
since I spent 3 months in Osaka alone and had a great time nightlife
wise, so after dinner they drove me to the train station. I head
back to the hotel to change. Due to time constraints, I go with
the safe bet and head out to the gaijin bar walking distance from
the hotel since subways and trains only don't run between midnight
and 5AM. I walk past the semi-shady "entertainment"
sector. So many Hostess club scouts on the streets. You can spot
them in their long bleached hair and wannabe Italian suits. These
guys serve a dual purpose, they scout girls to work there and
they try and lure customers. They're some persistent fuckers too,
walking about a whole block with you telling you how hot these
chicks are. Business must be real bad if they are trying to lure
a half-breed like me because many of these establishments don't
allow foreigners. Anyways, if you get one leeching you, unless
someone is going to pay your way, don't confront them and just
keep walking and go to the local clubs or bar where the hostess
girls generally go after work any damn way. Of course in this
setting, the girls aren't going to pour your drinks and compliment
you like you were god's gift to earth like they would at the hostess
bar, but then again you won't need to put that 2nd mortgage on
your house. Anyways, finally get to gaijin bar where it's packed
with a mix of both gaijin and locals. While enjoying the atmosphere
to the fullest, I wondered how I was going to stay awake for my
long ass day in Tokyo the next day. Continued to Trip Report
Part 2 - Tokyo.
Paul T
gurentai_pt@hotmail.com
