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Columns: From Tights to the Bytes 8/27/03
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| Posted by Masked Assassin on Wednesday, August 27, 2003 @ 10:03 PM Pacific
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 Intro . . .
Good day to ya all and welcome to the debut column of the Masked Assassin (insert ominous music) LIVE in black and white for your monitor screen. I am a worker here in Southern California and I've been around the scene longer than ninety percent of the workers and promotions out here today, so I do have my experience out here. I've been lucky to travel all over California, Arizona, and Nevada thanks to independent wrestling and hopefully I'll be able to share a different insight into matches and wrestling related topics, a worker insight. And yes, before anyone starts flaming me, I realize that I may look weak because I am writing under a pen name, but this is so I can be truthful and honest with my opinions and thoughts without fear of backlash from fellow workers and promoters, trust me, it does happen. Now that we have that covered, on to my topic:
So Yea, Pagans . . .
Fuck. Whoops. Sorry, didn’t mean to offend someone out there. I didn’t realize that cursing hurt people, that is till I checked out the message board and apparently a father was offended when his son heard Hardcore Inc. say the word “fuck” while they beat the shit out of the X-Foundation and Dragon/Excalibur. Let me repeat that last sentence for those of you who missed it, I’m looking at you in the 909. A father was offended when Hardcore Inc. repeatedly said the word “fuck” while they BEAT THE LIVING SHIT out of four men who, previous to the words “fuck” being uttered, were solving their problems by fighting. Do I need to go any further?
What I’m wondering is, how can it be ok to let your son watch grown men in colorful spandex solve their problems by fighting but cursing is a problem? What did fuck ever do to you? The word itself has never hurt anyone, EVER. Fuck never punched anyone in the face. Fuck never suplexed or piledrove anyone on his or her head; I’m looking in B-Boy’s direction. Fuck never hit anyone over the head with a steel chair and watched as blood seeps from the ripped flesh; coughbocoopercough. Fuck certainly never dropped an elbow from a ladder; sneezescottlostsniff. Fuck never decided to cheat when life presented a situation that was too difficult to do fairly; I’m looking at you Mr. Vanderpyle and Mr. Bennett. Fuck never solved its arguments with headlocks and sharpshooters and Tiger Driver ‘91’s or Vertebreaker ‘02’s or Psycho Driver’s. Fucking Super Dragon uses a move as a finish where he flat out drops Wrestler A on their head. A move that even when done correctly is still incredibly dangerous and could paralyze Wrestler A, and a father is upset because Hardcore Inc. said the word “fuck?” Were the beatings that Hardcore Inc. bestowed upon the wrestlers okay? I think I’ve made my point, and if I haven’t, let me end my debut column LIVE in black and white in the words of someone who said it better than I did.
“What’s the big fuckin’ deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck.”
-Eric Cartman
Outro . . .
I’m out for this week ladies and gentlemen. I know it’s a little short, but with the big tournament this weekend there will be lots to cover next week. Thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoy it. I’m still trying to find my style, so if you have any comments or suggestions, please feel free to email me.
The Masked Assassin
maskedassassin@hotmail.com |
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